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Başarıya Ulaşma Çabası

Başarıya Ulaşma Çabası

Başarıya ulaşma çabası, manevi doyuma ulaşama-manın bir sonucudur. Başarı, somuttur ve egoya sahip-tir. Başarının hissi anlamda tek isteği, takdir edilmektir. Takdir edilmek egoları okşar. Ego, renksiz, tek yönlü bir olgudur. İnsanın his dünyasında, kapı açmaz. Sa-dece ve sadece başarınızı en tepeye çıkarmak için bir destektir. Ego, insanın yalnızlaşmasının en temel sebebidir ve bu büyük bir sorundur. Fakat daha büyük bir sorun vardır ki, bu da insanın bu yalnızlıktan hoşnut olmasıdır.

Kar, beyazın gerçek yüzünü gün gibi ortaya çıkardığı, o masum gibi görünen fakat yoksulluğun bir kez daha suratlara tokat gibi çarpıldığı, kışın baş aktörü. Perde-si olmayan bir pencere; pencere olduğunu da o dört duvarda başka bir oyuk olmamasından anlıyorum. Olsa olsa penceredir diyorum. Küçükken ev çizerken asla atlanmayan dört ana ayrıntı; pencere, kapı, baca ve duvarlar. Yaşamamız için gereken en temel unsurlar bunlar olmasına rağmen, o dört duvarda pencerenin neresi olduğunu uzun uzun düşünüyorum. Pencere olmalı diyorum. İçim, bir insanın bir pencereyi bile hakedememiş olmasını kaldırmıyor, midem bulanıyor, dudaklarımın çatlaklarında gözyaşımın tadını alıyorum, öylece. Bir gün uyandığında, pencerenden süzülen ışık demetleri yüzüne vurmalı. Karnını doyurma telaşından, kaybettiğin hislerini canlandırmalı aniden. Yaşıyorum ben, dedirtmeli. Her gün yalnızca yaşamaya yetecek kadar olan hislerin, umutların; ışık demetleri yüzünü okşadığında kendin içinde bir şeyler yapmayı anım-satıp, aklını çelmeli. Şayet bir penceren yoksa, ince ince pencere işle duvarına. Rengini sen seç. Herkesin penceresi varken senin yoktu, üzülme! Sen pencereni ruhunun rengine boya. Öyle dikdörtgen falan da yap-ma, elips yap mesela. Pencerenin köşelerinde takılı kal-masın aklın, sert dönüşler yapma hayata, manzaranın tadını çıkar.

Ve sen; umutlarını hırsla tüketme asla. Başarılı olma-ya değil, mutlu olmaya çalış. Başarılı olursan eğer bir gün, pencerenin rengini sen değil, mimarlar seçecek. Onların zevklerini yaşayacaksın her gün. Her gün başkalarının ruhundan bakacaksın pencerenden dışarı. Ama hayal edersen, kendini içinde bulacaksın hayatın. Çünkü hayaller ruhundan gelecek ve ruhun o pence-reden süzülen ışıkla yaşamak isteyecek. Ve sonunda karar verdiysen yaşamaya; egolarını yavaşça indir ve pencerenin camını aç… Sayı – 2 – 2015

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